I Fought the Lawn, and the ... Ant... Won...?

[zorathenne]

The second full day of me being home after finishing class.. *ahhh*

And since I have truly and thoroughly missed each and every single last one of you bootiful peoples (and the new friends I've made along the way *wave*), and I don't have anywhere to be other than here for the time being, I think I shall share with you all the events of my morning.


*Edit* Looked at how long this post was and that small voice in the back of my head suggested that putting this behind a cut would be the prudent thing to do.. Sooo...



When I say events, I mean the yardwork I did and the situation that.. well.. um..

Crawled out..

Or is it scurried out..? Or is it rushed out with a fierce vengeance upon any who dared to disturb their lair..?

Here.. Let's all get comfy while I start from the beginning.. I've even made tea!

*ahem* Okay.. So I wake up this morning and after stretching and purring and rejoicing in the fact that my alarm wasn't set for 4am or 6am ~ actually it hadn't even been set at all, but that's neither here nor there ~ I pondered my schedule for the day. Well.. Since forecasts have been prophesizing that it is to rain all this week (gotta love Desktop Weather Channel), and the sun was actually out this morning, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and cut the lawn.. Besides, I had been quite curious about this phenomenon that the natives here call sunlight (ooooooo).. Seeing that I've spent the last aeons of my life in rooms with bright artificial lighting (okay so it wasn't aeons but dammit it sure did feel that long), I was eager to see what was so signifigant about that big ball of swirling hot gas up in the sky of ours..

Okay okay.. yeah yeah I know what the hell sunlight is and everything... just work with me on this darnit.. *cough* Anyway I guess here is where I should mention that I actually like doing yardwork and gardening and because of the last 2 weeks of school being so... so... mean *whimpers*, I had neglected my poor lawn. But I was determined to make up for it!

So, I go to pick up the pile of stuff that vernard and I had to leave on the lawn until I was able to obtain a few of those lawn refuse trash bags from him, and realized a few things..

One.. Those hedge clippings and pine needles had been in that pile on my lawn for a damn long time..
Two.. That.. insects and spiders and um.. other things I didn't even recognize had decided to move in and had become quite comfy within said warm, wet, slightly rotting pile..
And Three.. That said residents of pile were.. not.. pleased about all of a sudden being evicted..

So we had a... discussion..
And they learned something.. That I'm much much bigger than them..
I won.

Well.. Now that the pile of clippings and such were taken care of and properly bagged, it was safe to mow the lawn..

Right?

Hey that's what I was thinking..

So I'm mowing the left side of the lawn.. the larger part.. and noticed in passing that the mound of dirt I had noticed before on my lawn had gotten a bit.. bigger..

Oh.. I'm so sorry.. I never told you guys about this mound of dirt I happen to have in my yard.. Well.. I didn't think it was much to talk about back then. Just a somewhat baseball~sized mound of dirt near my driveway on the lawn.

Yes.. yes.. I was told they were fire ants.. and I actually had the chance to see a few of them scurrying across my driveway at times.. But, I'd been told that as long as there weren't any little children to play in my yard and I was careful not to be barefoot in the grass, I was quite fine..

*cough*

Um.. Would it be best I not mention that I was not wearing any socks with my sneakers? Okay. I won't..

Anyway.. I'm mowing and mowing and not really paying attention to much but making sure the lines are neat, because the lines always have to be neat and straight (cause that would be the only thing about me that IS straight *smirk*), and I just happen to notice the lawnmower kinda.. um.. just.. ran over the mound of dirt..

That by the time I went to mow the lawn, was no longer baseball~sized.. It was more.. softball~sized..

And there were quite a metric asston of ants that had spawned out of said mound..

And my sock~less sneakered foot was coming down.. Right. On. Top. Of. The. Mound.

I guess you could say that would be what explained the "Oh, Shit" expression my face made.. And the little somewhat self~controlled frenzied dance that my body did afterwards..

Why?

Be ~ cause.. I happened to look down after mowing (quite fast, mind you) past the now flattened mound, and saw like 2 or 3 of the ants on my sneaker.

What dance you say? Oh come on now.. You know the dance I'm talking about.. The dance peole make because they just happen to be allergic to bee stings.. bites.. pincer tickles.. what have you.. and they just happened to all of a sudden find themselves in such a situation that if they were to be stung or bitten it could turn out to be a Very Bad Thing(tm).
Now, I'm not fully educated on fire ants; I know this.. They probably weren't even something for me to go all eeeek! over.. But I wasn't going to take the chance at that moment to find out..

So.. After said dance where I shook my right foot (a bit frantically, yes) did the Hokey~Pokey and turned myself around ~ cause that's what it's all about ~ I continued on.

And mowed down another mound of dirt about 3 rows later. *sigh*

This time (since this mound was much smaller and there weren't many ants out), I got brave. *cough* Hey.. I'm a Nu Yawka.. bah.. bitch, brawla, nu yawka, it's all the same. The only thing bigger than my fists is my attitude.. And dammit.. I'm bigger than these little guys.. What the hell do I have to be worried about..

So um.. after checking my sneakers.. I go back to finishing that side of the yard.. I look back over my work, quite pleased with myself.. And notice that there was a small patch of grass I missed *gasp*..
Right by the second mound.

Heeeey.. nottaproblem naw'i'mean? (NY to GA translation: Hey.. Not a problem, know what I mean? *grin*) Just go back and fix it, aight?
So I go back to correct my flub, and notice that there's only one ant on top of the flattened mound. And he's just.. standing there.. And then I got all.. sad.. Cause like I just.. destroyed his mound and the mound of his buddies and I started feeling all depressed, like I was the terrorist in this situation and this little guy is standing here experiencing his own 9/11, obviously mourning the destruction of his home.. and I just felt like.. crap..

For a quick sec that is..

Anyway I go over to the ant and squat down a bit and don't you dare ask me why, but I'm there trying to empathize with this ant.. And I swear the ant turned and waggled his cute little antennea in my direction..

And like all of a sudden.. about 20 or so ants came swarming out of that mound..

!!!

Now.. If you look at me.. I'm not a tiny woman.. And I love to scrap and brawl with bigger.. I'm sure you are all reflecting on how comical it must have been to have seen my reaction..

Oh goodness.. I couldn't scramble away fast enough. I jumped up.. practically hopped~danced~ran over to the driveway.. jumped up and down twisting and shaking and frantically brushing myself off praying i didn't have any of the little bastidges on me. Talk about being thankful when I looked out over the smaller right side yard and saw there were no mounds at all present.

Man.. I couldn't mow that side fast enough.. But I came across a few more of Nature's treasures.. A couple of small frogs.. a few lizards.. One lizard that was tiny and black/brown stripped with an electric blue tail.. pretty..

I ended up not doing that bit of side yard in the backyard (there's just tons of pine needles covering the huge back yard because the former family who lived here was NOT about to be mowing all that), as I had done a Stupid Thing(tm). Well.. I pretty much just rolled out of bed and threw on some old clothes and headed out to the yard. Why take the shower and stuff before then if you are going to take the hella long shower afterwards..?

But in doing so I hadn't had things like.. breakfast.. or.. *sheepish* any water before hand (don't even say it sweetie *gives vernard a quick peck* And you guys hush too *pokehuggles oraqle and firewalker138*). So I got a lil hot.. and okay so I got a tiny bit nauseous.. But dammit the front yard looks so much better.. And I'm inside now, all showered and clean and munching on a sandwich and my 5th glass of water *giggle*.

And that was my morning.. How was yours? *wiggle* =)

Comments

[pimpsta-steve.livejournal.com]

*smiles* that was one of the best posts i've ever read! seriously, i didn't think an entry about mowing the lawn could be so interesting! you are amazing with words and description *does a wiggle* hehe! anyways, thought i'd drop you a note and a wiggle like you always pleseantly surprise me with... it's always nice to return such love. *hugs*

Smithers! Are they saying Boo? or Boo-Urns?

[sidhebear.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be boo-tiful. That implies somehow that I'm going to suck next time I get up on stage :P

Not that "byoo-" or anything else, syllable or vegetable, is much better when it's flung at you from the crowd.

Ok, I must just be lucky.

I just realized I've never gotten that.
Sure I've been afraid of it every time I climb that extra step onto the spotlighted surface, but it's not happened yet.

Don't jinx me.

*wink*

[shes-not-there.livejournal.com]

4/30! Never forget!

/translated from original antennae waggles.

[shes-not-there.livejournal.com]

Well shit, never mind... this was ages ago. :S

Bwah. I'm confused now. The ants have probably forgotten as well; it's probably been like 10,000 years for them.