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Mar. 7th, 2004 01:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zorathenneI'll prolly post more later on today, but noticing this on my EQ guild's messageboard, I just had to swipe it and post it here..
Bbl.. Have a late brunch to fix for me and Mommy and some last dishes to wash up.. =)
Where Is My Gay Apocalypse?
Over 3,500 gay marriages and, what, no hellfire? I was promised hellfire.
And riots. What gives?
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, March 5, 2004
I have been waiting patiently.
I have been staring with great anticipation out the window of my flat here
in the heart of San Francisco, sighing heavily, waiting for the riots and
the plagues and the screaming monkeys and the blistering rain of
inescapable hellfire. I have my camera all ready and everything.
There has been nothing. I see only some lovely trees and a stunning blue
sky and my neighbor walking by with her pair of matching chow chows as a
pained-looking woman struggles to parallel park her SUV. Same old, same
old.
And this is San Francisco, same-sex-marriage HQ, Sodom-and-Gomorrahville,
debauchery central. We are supposed to be careening off the nice, safe road
of social acceptability right now, welcoming chaos, exploding into a fiery
hell mist of our own sick godless depravity and dropping off the disgusted
planet any minute now.
Where is my raging apocalypse? This is what I want to know. Where is the
social meltdown? The moral depravity? I was promised an apocalypse, dammit.
What am I supposed to do with all these tubs of margarine and confetti and
kazoos?
There have been more than 3,500 same-sex-marriage ceremonies in San
Francisco so far. Hundreds more are just now kicking up a storm in Oregon
and in beautifully rebellious little burgs around New York state. And, yet,
nothing. No chaos. No rain of terror. Not even a lousy heat wave. Sigh.
Some homosexual couples have been married for more than three weeks now,
living in utter godless sin as they drive their cars and shop and laugh and
cry and go to work and pay their taxes and wonder about their dreams.
Lightning has not struck them dead. The Hellmouth has not opened wide its
gaping maw, hankering for some of the City's trademark Sourdough o' Sin. I
am dumbfounded.
After all, same-sex marriage is supposed to ruin the nation, is it not?
Induce actual rioting and civil unrest and shirtless anarchy as millions of
stupefied citizens pray to a bloody pulverized Mel Gibson-y Jesus for
redemption, as they suddenly begin questioning whether ogling the Pottery
Barn catalog for more than 10 minutes might mean they're gay.
"It's anarchy," some guy named Rick Forcier, of the Washington state
chapter of the Christian Coalition, actually whined. "We seem to have lost
the rule of law. It's very frightening when every community decides what
laws they will obey." Why, yes, Rick. It's total anarchy. Just look at all
the screaming and the bloodshed and the gunfire. Run and hide, Rick. The
gay people in love are coming. And they've got tattoos and funny haircuts
and want to get married and celebrate their love and be left alone. Hide
the children.
This was -- and still is -- very much the right-wing sentiment. It was
almost a guarantee: Same-sex marriage spelled the instantaneous end of all
that is good and righteous and edible. Insurrection was imminent,
apocalypse nigh. You could see it in their eyes -- they could hardly wait.
Hell, even Governator Arnie went on "Meet the Press" recently and
proclaimed, semicoherently, that he was actually worried about the riots
and deadly mayhem should S.F. continue with its brazen lawlessness. And
look. Nothing. Not a peep. Not a single rabid spitting demon to be seen.
I believe I have been misled. I was told repeatedly in extra-glowing
terminology by multiple raging Bible-quoting drones that The Good Book
expressly forbids same-sex marriage and gay sex, and to engage in either
spells imminent doom and instant social bedlam and there are specific
verses all about it.
Is this true? Are there actual verses decrying same-sex marriage? Are they
anything like those other Biblical verses, about the rules and regulations
surrounding marriage that are making the rounds on the Net right now? Real
verses. Actual verses. Verses o' sanctimonious fun. Have you seen them?
Like this: "Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take multiple
concubines in addition to his wife or wives." (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3;
II Chron 11:21).
Or maybe: "A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a
virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be stoned to death." (Deut
22:13-21) Isn't that cute? Isn't quoting Bible verse fun? Ask your local
pastor about that one.
Or how! about: "If a married man dies without children, his brother shall
marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately
does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be
otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law." (Gen. 38:6-10;
Deut 25:5-10). Hey, it's right there, in the Bible. So it must be true.
Is it worth showing those verses to the happily sanctimonious and sneering
Christian homophobes who are protesting outside S.F. City Hall right now,
telling the gay couples what depraved hell-bound sinners they all are? Nah.
Why spoil their whiny apocalyptic wet dreams? Live and let live, I always
say.
(Oh, and while we're at it, God also really hates shrimp. Maybe you didn't
know. Shrimp are evil, as are all shrimp eaters. Clams, too. Hey, it's in
the Bible. You can look it up. Why the Right is attacking homosexuals in
love and not, say, Red Lobster, remains a mystery.)
So, here we are. Approaching a full month after the first of S.F.'s
marriage ceremonies, and nothing. The universe is smiling madly. The world
is shrugging. Anonymous supporters from all over the nation have sent
flowers to hundreds of loving gay and lesbian couples. As of this writing,
there is no scathing hellfire. No fanged demons of destruction. No
meltdown whatsoever. I would know, right? I mean, wouldn't the power go
out, or something?
Maybe it's still to come. Maybe total screaming misery and unspeakable
sociocultural collapse coupled with wanton bestiality and incest and the
giving away of free anal beads to innocent teenagers takes more than a
month. Maybe I'm just a little impatient.
Maybe Satan is taking his sweet time to marshal his leather-clad armies,
watching as other U.S. cities get in on the same-sex-marriage act,
listening as mayors and governors all chime in their support and say what's
the big deal. Maybe Beelzebub is waiting for a big moment so as to really
leverage the coming news flash, the special report, the sudden activation
of the Emergency Broadcast System. Something like:
"This just in: Earthquakes rocked the globe today as giant fire-breathing
bees of death swarmed the countryside, feasting on fat white heterosexual
babies mostly from Texas and Colorado Springs and Utah and Idaho, as the
institution of hetero marriage careened around the mad vortex of space-time
like a savage drunken pinball high on black-tar heroin, just like the
Christian Right predicted.
"Horrors bled into the streets, terrorists were spawned by thousands,
presidents openly lied so as to lead a nation into bloody violent
unwinnable wars, thousands of Catholic priests sexually molested tens of
thousands of children over a 50-year period without the slightest
punishment, the environment teetered on the brink due to heartless
government rollbacks as air quality and water quality and food sources were
ravaged in the name of corporate profiteering, the economy crumbled like
Jenna Bush after her 10th beer bong as hate and fear and bogus Orange
Alerts ruled the land."
Oh wait. That was all before the same-sex-marriage thing. My bad.
Bbl.. Have a late brunch to fix for me and Mommy and some last dishes to wash up.. =)
Where Is My Gay Apocalypse?
Over 3,500 gay marriages and, what, no hellfire? I was promised hellfire.
And riots. What gives?
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, March 5, 2004
I have been waiting patiently.
I have been staring with great anticipation out the window of my flat here
in the heart of San Francisco, sighing heavily, waiting for the riots and
the plagues and the screaming monkeys and the blistering rain of
inescapable hellfire. I have my camera all ready and everything.
There has been nothing. I see only some lovely trees and a stunning blue
sky and my neighbor walking by with her pair of matching chow chows as a
pained-looking woman struggles to parallel park her SUV. Same old, same
old.
And this is San Francisco, same-sex-marriage HQ, Sodom-and-Gomorrahville,
debauchery central. We are supposed to be careening off the nice, safe road
of social acceptability right now, welcoming chaos, exploding into a fiery
hell mist of our own sick godless depravity and dropping off the disgusted
planet any minute now.
Where is my raging apocalypse? This is what I want to know. Where is the
social meltdown? The moral depravity? I was promised an apocalypse, dammit.
What am I supposed to do with all these tubs of margarine and confetti and
kazoos?
There have been more than 3,500 same-sex-marriage ceremonies in San
Francisco so far. Hundreds more are just now kicking up a storm in Oregon
and in beautifully rebellious little burgs around New York state. And, yet,
nothing. No chaos. No rain of terror. Not even a lousy heat wave. Sigh.
Some homosexual couples have been married for more than three weeks now,
living in utter godless sin as they drive their cars and shop and laugh and
cry and go to work and pay their taxes and wonder about their dreams.
Lightning has not struck them dead. The Hellmouth has not opened wide its
gaping maw, hankering for some of the City's trademark Sourdough o' Sin. I
am dumbfounded.
After all, same-sex marriage is supposed to ruin the nation, is it not?
Induce actual rioting and civil unrest and shirtless anarchy as millions of
stupefied citizens pray to a bloody pulverized Mel Gibson-y Jesus for
redemption, as they suddenly begin questioning whether ogling the Pottery
Barn catalog for more than 10 minutes might mean they're gay.
"It's anarchy," some guy named Rick Forcier, of the Washington state
chapter of the Christian Coalition, actually whined. "We seem to have lost
the rule of law. It's very frightening when every community decides what
laws they will obey." Why, yes, Rick. It's total anarchy. Just look at all
the screaming and the bloodshed and the gunfire. Run and hide, Rick. The
gay people in love are coming. And they've got tattoos and funny haircuts
and want to get married and celebrate their love and be left alone. Hide
the children.
This was -- and still is -- very much the right-wing sentiment. It was
almost a guarantee: Same-sex marriage spelled the instantaneous end of all
that is good and righteous and edible. Insurrection was imminent,
apocalypse nigh. You could see it in their eyes -- they could hardly wait.
Hell, even Governator Arnie went on "Meet the Press" recently and
proclaimed, semicoherently, that he was actually worried about the riots
and deadly mayhem should S.F. continue with its brazen lawlessness. And
look. Nothing. Not a peep. Not a single rabid spitting demon to be seen.
I believe I have been misled. I was told repeatedly in extra-glowing
terminology by multiple raging Bible-quoting drones that The Good Book
expressly forbids same-sex marriage and gay sex, and to engage in either
spells imminent doom and instant social bedlam and there are specific
verses all about it.
Is this true? Are there actual verses decrying same-sex marriage? Are they
anything like those other Biblical verses, about the rules and regulations
surrounding marriage that are making the rounds on the Net right now? Real
verses. Actual verses. Verses o' sanctimonious fun. Have you seen them?
Like this: "Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take multiple
concubines in addition to his wife or wives." (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3;
II Chron 11:21).
Or maybe: "A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a
virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be stoned to death." (Deut
22:13-21) Isn't that cute? Isn't quoting Bible verse fun? Ask your local
pastor about that one.
Or how! about: "If a married man dies without children, his brother shall
marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately
does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be
otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law." (Gen. 38:6-10;
Deut 25:5-10). Hey, it's right there, in the Bible. So it must be true.
Is it worth showing those verses to the happily sanctimonious and sneering
Christian homophobes who are protesting outside S.F. City Hall right now,
telling the gay couples what depraved hell-bound sinners they all are? Nah.
Why spoil their whiny apocalyptic wet dreams? Live and let live, I always
say.
(Oh, and while we're at it, God also really hates shrimp. Maybe you didn't
know. Shrimp are evil, as are all shrimp eaters. Clams, too. Hey, it's in
the Bible. You can look it up. Why the Right is attacking homosexuals in
love and not, say, Red Lobster, remains a mystery.)
So, here we are. Approaching a full month after the first of S.F.'s
marriage ceremonies, and nothing. The universe is smiling madly. The world
is shrugging. Anonymous supporters from all over the nation have sent
flowers to hundreds of loving gay and lesbian couples. As of this writing,
there is no scathing hellfire. No fanged demons of destruction. No
meltdown whatsoever. I would know, right? I mean, wouldn't the power go
out, or something?
Maybe it's still to come. Maybe total screaming misery and unspeakable
sociocultural collapse coupled with wanton bestiality and incest and the
giving away of free anal beads to innocent teenagers takes more than a
month. Maybe I'm just a little impatient.
Maybe Satan is taking his sweet time to marshal his leather-clad armies,
watching as other U.S. cities get in on the same-sex-marriage act,
listening as mayors and governors all chime in their support and say what's
the big deal. Maybe Beelzebub is waiting for a big moment so as to really
leverage the coming news flash, the special report, the sudden activation
of the Emergency Broadcast System. Something like:
"This just in: Earthquakes rocked the globe today as giant fire-breathing
bees of death swarmed the countryside, feasting on fat white heterosexual
babies mostly from Texas and Colorado Springs and Utah and Idaho, as the
institution of hetero marriage careened around the mad vortex of space-time
like a savage drunken pinball high on black-tar heroin, just like the
Christian Right predicted.
"Horrors bled into the streets, terrorists were spawned by thousands,
presidents openly lied so as to lead a nation into bloody violent
unwinnable wars, thousands of Catholic priests sexually molested tens of
thousands of children over a 50-year period without the slightest
punishment, the environment teetered on the brink due to heartless
government rollbacks as air quality and water quality and food sources were
ravaged in the name of corporate profiteering, the economy crumbled like
Jenna Bush after her 10th beer bong as hate and fear and bogus Orange
Alerts ruled the land."
Oh wait. That was all before the same-sex-marriage thing. My bad.
